woodstock-45-reunion

Woodstock’s 45th Reunion: Making Bill O’Reilly Ill

The situation on the Rainbow Stage was the sort of scene that would make Bill O’Reilly vomit. The musician tuning his git-box in between numbers sported a long, white goatee, dark sunglasses and lengths of loose hippie-garb that terminated in Grandpa Sneakers. He lackadaisically threw out some banter to the crowd as he tested his…

Poor Man’s Cocaine

An extremely short conference table squats in the middle of a cavernous corporate board room. Three men in their early 30s, Carter, Binwald and Vince, enter, all wearing stylish suits with the collars open. They are all coked to SHIT. Vince: …so I says to the stripper, ‘you should be tippin me!’ The three men…

Back-Page News

“Fear is stronger than love.” -Tupac Shakur ~ He had read it in the paper this morning, black-print letters as moribund as a funeral gong: Suspect Nabbed in Drug Bust in Kingston But the real slant of the article, the bit that caused Sean’s mind to start whirling with sad prophesies was the name below:…

Employment Opportunity

As Siobhan and I crept up the gravel driveway to Ken Chang’s house, we couldn’t help but notice the multitude of very vocal cats blocking our path. They looked perturbed that a giant metal who-knows-what was accelerating into their territory, so opted to start mewing and hissing loud enough to penetrate the Talib Kweli I…

Legal Drugs/Man vs. Swan

IN my experience, swans are assholes. Just THE worst. They’re like the pretty girl in high school who knows that she is attractive enough to forego the formalities of socialized ethics, so is just a raging bitch until she enters her twenties and realizes the rules are different out there. The problem is, being swans,…

Laptop Lifted

  Full “Laptop Trilogy” with additions and alterations Oscar scanned the lines of foot-commuters, their pneumatic legs pistoning them up and down, driving them forward with whooshes and hisses of steam, their geared joints clicking and whirring like subway doors.  Dogs usually had some dog in them, but a purebred bionic Doberman Pincher slinked past…

The Stoop Princess

The Stoop Princess crashed into our living room by slamming her body through the unlatched door. She skidded to a stop on bare feet, her multi-hued dreads continuing with the momentum, flying past her head like rockets until they reached the end of their give and were yanked back into place. “Hey! HEY!” she greeted…

New New York

-have you heard from him in the last few days? -No…why…what did he do NOW? -Well, you know how he was on probation, and… -Did he fuck that up too? -Uh…yeah, I guess he messed that up…he sent me a text a little bit ago saying that he was waiting for a van to pick…

Treehouse Vortex

Granada’s market is a multihued riot of shrieking-fresh products and booming sales-pitches: capitalism before The Man took over. Crooked wooden stands haphazardly jut in from the boring buildings-proper, barely allowing a river of shoppers, motorbikes, three-wheeled tuk-tuks, and the occasional car, horn wailing, to slowly pass through. In the maze, you can cop gutted fish,…

Giselle The Fox

The nicest bus I have ever ridden in Costa Rica rolled me through increasingly-dry countryside on the way from concrete and razor-wire San Jose to the small backpacker towns of Quepos and Manuel Antonio. The sleek bus, which had individual leather-ish seats and those air blowers you always see on airplanes, had picked me up…