IS The Hudson Valley the next Williamsburg? 

Hipsters want to be into The Next Hip Thing before anyone else finds out about it. Because when everyone else finds out about it—well, it isn’t hip anymore. Journalists share this hipster quality (especially if they work for Vice). Part of their job, after all, is to be good at predicting trends, to be aware…

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The Saviors of Catskill Animal Sanctuary

Rob Robinson, long hair wedged against his head with a faded blue cap, walked up to McWilliams with his arms spread wide. The hug was vigorous enough to make the lens of the glasses tucked into McWilliams’ collar to pop out between their chests like a banana being squeezed out of its peel. “Sorry about…

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Defending Street Art

Bleary-eyed, I shuffled up Main Street in New Paltz to grab my morning java. Despite housing a coffee before setting out, my blood had not yet reached its required caffeine percentage, so I may have acted more irately than usually when I came across the trio in orange safety vests. What…what are they DOING?…was my…

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Massive Caves in The Hudson Valley

    I have expressed that some of the places I write about are secretive — locals have discovered and cherished these spots, and have expressed unease at me revealing their locations to any yahoo with a WiFi connection. I’ve wanted to share these places, but, being a local myself, I want to preserve their obscurity.…

New Paltz with Jason the Forager

Jason is very easy to spot from afar. He kind of looks like Brad Pitt if Brad Pitt was Rastafarian: handsome, with a blonde, kinky beard, wire-rimmed spectacles and dreads that reach almost to the back of his knees. Jason actually DOES follow Rastafarian traditions, despite his Caucasian heritage. He’s vegetarian and doesn’t cut his…

Purity

                Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.                 -Pro-Ana saying Left foot placed two-and-one-half inches from the left edge of the scale, abutting the third raised line on the weighing surface. Right foot about three-and-one-quarter inches from the right side to compensate for a slight imbalance in…

Burning Boy/Hippie Kids

The raging, dreaded hippie kids, swirled in by a technicolored tornado of glee, glitter and hallucinogens, sent by the hippie Goddess to anoint the unblessed with ointments and doses and liquor belted straight from the bottle… “…Chris…Christopher DOY-le…” Chris’ Subaru was slapped on the side of dusty street running along warehouses in the SOMA district…

Weeping

Government institutions are funded by the public, which forces them to throw their doors open to the public, ALL of them, the destitute, the homeless, the mentally-ill and -challenged, those that can’t keep their heads above water in the free market. Those that would be chomped down by the sharks. I experienced this first-hand in…

Employment Opportunity

As Siobhan and I crept up the gravel driveway to Ken Chang’s house, we couldn’t help but notice the multitude of very vocal cats blocking our path. They looked perturbed that a giant metal who-knows-what was accelerating into their territory, so opted to start mewing and hissing loud enough to penetrate the Talib Kweli I…

Withdrawal

Thomas tried to punch the number into his smartphone, but his hands were perspiring so badly that a drop of sweat slid down the screen, side-stepped onto the key pad, tip-toed beneath one of the buttons and shorted out the phone. He was not having a good day. Thomas, who traditionally coal-housed two packs of…

Laptop Lifted

  Full “Laptop Trilogy” with additions and alterations Oscar scanned the lines of foot-commuters, their pneumatic legs pistoning them up and down, driving them forward with whooshes and hisses of steam, their geared joints clicking and whirring like subway doors.  Dogs usually had some dog in them, but a purebred bionic Doberman Pincher slinked past…

The Stoop Princess

The Stoop Princess crashed into our living room by slamming her body through the unlatched door. She skidded to a stop on bare feet, her multi-hued dreads continuing with the momentum, flying past her head like rockets until they reached the end of their give and were yanked back into place. “Hey! HEY!” she greeted…

Stupid American!

The last time I traveled extensively abroad, Obama had just been elected to his first term, and people around the world were in love with America. Europeans in particular were enamored, due to part to Obama’s tour of Europe while he was campaigning—I remember one pundit saying that his loop was “the first time an…